Page 1 of If you are not laughing in tears after reading this, you need to try a tazer on yourself!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry`s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I`d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn`t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thoug ht about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I`m looking at this little device measuring about 5` long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, `no possible way!`

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I`ll do my best...? I`m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, `don`t do it dips***,` reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn`t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. . . WEAPONS OF
MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I`m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to `mug` yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can`t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparrently I s*** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above m y head which I believe was came from my hair. I`m still looking for my nuts and I`m offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!



Anti.Clown.Coalition

aah, muscle contraction. Makes fools of us all...

(nice one)

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Tri-Forcin`s easy when you know how


Writer`s Release
My Collection

i can confirm it hurts... ;)



`i am going to live forever or die trying`

I want one!

Quote:
I want one!Section 5
Get one and you`ll have Markssparks and his mates kicking your door in and hauling you off to please her majesty for several years.

Snaps

Every Third Car

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I used to be with it, but then they changed what `it` was.
Now, what I`m with isn`t it, and what`s `it` seems weird and scary

Markssparks, I believe part of your training which allows you to use things like this, you have to have it done on you? In particular CS spray?


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"The Green Belt policy is a Labour Policy, and we intend to Build on it"
John Prescott

I think they get a 1/5th strength spray in the face during their riot training.  My mate who did this dropped his uniform off at his mother`s and when she was ironing it the fumes from the steam burned her eyes and she had to stick her head under the kitchen tap! :)

No Taser training sepcifically does not allow for discharge on any person, other than those using a tazer suit!

CS is now defunct and not used, this has been replaced by Captor/Parvor which is an artificial chilli replacement... now that really can bring tears to your eyes, and again we do not use that live in training, just an inert water instead.

Even in Respirator Training Facilities (RTF) or gas chambers as they were affectionately known, CS is no longer used, instead a scientific approach is taken in a cubicle with candles, and the particulates in the air are measured against those within a the worn respirator whilst carrying out different excercises.

I basically got tasered in a live incident, when carryout out reload drills!



`i am going to live forever or die trying`

Genius, but i`m afraid the cat would have to have been my test subject:D.

I always fancied importing a taser, not for anything other than family gatherings, weddings, funerals that kind of thing. I know they are illegal over here but didn`t realise they were Section 5, thats firearms isn`t it?

Bryan

they are indeed a section 5 firearm...



`i am going to live forever or die trying`