Page 1 of It`s Friday - so here`s a joke!

Got a feeling it may have been on here before, but what the heck. It made me smile...(and we have to do something to counteract all that bloody spam)

The Husband Shop.

A shop advertising husbands for sale, was recently opened in New York City, where women can go and find a new husband. At the entrance, the following instructions are displayed:

"You may only visit this shop once! We have six levels and the value of the products increase the higher you go. You may choose one product in a floor, or decide to go up one more. However you are not allowed to go down one floor, except to leave the shop."

A woman goes to this Husband shop to find herself a husband. On the ground floor the following is displayed:

"Ground Floor - these men have a permanent job."

She is interested but continues on to the 1st Floor, with the following
display:

"First Floor - These men have a permanent job and love children."

`That`s great` she thinks, `but I want more.`

So she continues up. On the 2nd Floor, the display says:

"Second Floor - These men have a permanent job, love children and are extremely good looking."

`Amazing`, she thinks, but feels she must go on.

At the 3rd Floor, she can read the following:

"Third Floor - These men have a permanent job, love children, are even more extremely good looking and assist with housekeeping."

`Oh my` she says,` I can`t take much more!`

But she continues up another floor, and the display says:

"Fourth Floor - These men have a permanent job, love children, are even more extremely good looking, assist with housekeeping and are very romantic."

She is very tempted, but goes up one more floor, where it says:

"Fifth Floor - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that it is impossible to satisfy women. Thank you for visiting the Husband Shop.

PLEASE NOTE:

In order not to be accused of Sexual Harassment, the shop owner has opened a new Wife-shop across the street.

The ground floor has women loving sex.

The first floor has women loving sex, have money and love beer.

The second, third, fourth and fifth floors have never had any visitors."

I enjoyed that one - made me giggle.

:D :D

me too - thanks :)

This is probably an old one too but I have only just seen it today

CHRISTMAS PARTY

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 21st October 2008
RE: Christmas Party
I`m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We`ll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don`t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at201.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone`s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
------

---

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 22nd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday`s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we`re calling it our `Holiday Party`. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline.

---

FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 23rd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn`t sign your name. I`m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, `AA Only`, you wouldn`t be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.

---

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 24th October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees` beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I`ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men`s table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply `No Sugar` desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!
Pauline.

---

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: 25th October 2008
RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I`ve had it with you people !!! We`re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the `grill of death`, as you so quaintly put it, you`ll get your f***ing salad bar, inc luding organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I`ve heard them scream. I`m hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!

---

FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )
TO: All Employees
DATE: 26th October 2008
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I`m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I`ll contin ue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John Benson.




The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation.
Oscar Wilde 1854-1900

FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )

I`m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery,

:D That`s a goodun.