Page 1 of Short Little Jokes To Make You Groan

Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I`ve lost my electron". The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I`m positive..."

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I`ll serve you, but don`t start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don`t serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can`t stop singing `The Green, Green Grass of Home.`" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It`s Not Unusual."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don`t believe you," said Dolly.
"It`s true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you`ve heard this bull before.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog`s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let`s have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I`m going to have to put him down." "What? Because he`s cross-eyed?"
"No, because he`s really heavy."

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It`s either my mum or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I`m pretty sure it`s Colin.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn`t find any.

I went to the butcher`s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn`t reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor,
doctor, I can`t feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can`t - I`ve cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can`t have your kayak and heat it too.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Quote:
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
And what do you call a fish with three eyes? A fiiish.

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Could someone please
Remove these cutleries
From my knees...

Quote:
Short Little Jokes To Make You Groan

Hazel Blears

Snaps

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I used to be with it, but then they changed what `it` was.
Now, what I`m with isn`t it, and what`s `it` seems weird and scary

I started reading Othello the other day, and I just can`t put it down - it`s so `moor`ish.

(Shamelessly stolen from a comic whose name I didn`t catch, last weekend)

Bob Marley`s wife left him and took the satalite dish. No woman, no sky.



WELCOME TO KINKY CLUB.

Jonathon Ross was caught shoplifting Kitchen Utensils. In a statement, Jonathon said "the wisk was worth it "




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