After having their 11th child, a Sunderland couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn`t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb," (fireworks are legal in Mackemland) "light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Mackem said to the doctor, "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don`t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Hartlepool, Stanley, Consett, Washington, and Ouston.
My Top 20 Horror Movies ---- My DVD Collection
Q. What have the Mackems and a nappy got in common
A. P*** up front and crap at the back.
(That`s the football team by the way, not the Mackem population!)
This item was edited on Wednesday, 6th October 2004, 17:26
Two Mackems are walking down Northumberland Street, when one of them spots a sign in a shop window.
It reads Shirts - 50p, Trousers - £1, Suits - £2.
"Here", says the first Mackem to his mate, "have you seen that, shirts 50p trousers £1, Suits £2. It looks like a canny deal. Why don`t we go in, buy the lot and take them back to Sunderland and sell them on for a profit."
"Aye, that`s a canny idea" says the other Mackem, "there`s just one problem though. When the lady in the shop hears our accents, she won`t serve us `cause she will know we are Mackems."
"Don`t worry about that" says the first Mackem, "I went to school with a Geordie, I`ve got the accent off to a tee."
So, both the Mackems walk into the shop and ask the lady if the sign in the window is right.
"What do you mean?" she says "Shirts for 50p, trousers £1 and suits £2."
"aye that`s right" says the first Mackem. "and we want to buy the lot."
The lady looks at them and smiles and says "you two are Mackems aren`t you."
Both the Mackems are totally shocked.
"How did you know that like?" they say.
"`Cause we`re a dry cleaners you thick b******s!!!"
What`s a Mackem? :o
