Page 1 of HELP NEEDED - some bad news

It all started about seven years ago when my Dad complained of stomach trouble after a visit to Ethiopia - could have been caused by drinking unpurified water out there. Problems continued, and attributed to something like irritable bowel syndrome.

Anyway, the problems have got a lot worse in recent weeks, so he went to a specialist last Monday and had the camera thing (can`t remember the techincal term). During it, they found a tumour in the lower bowel.

A biopsy was taken and results came back - it is cancerous, but responds well to chemotherapy. All good, he was positive and focused on making a speedy recovery, until today...

Today he went to have a CT scan as a result of last week`s findings, and they found not only the tumour in the bowel, but also `spots` on his liver (a lot) and `spots` on his lungs (not so many). He doesn`t smoke anymore (and hasn`t for years), so the last bit is surprising.

The cancer has spread, obviously...the doctor has given him 1 (ONE) year to live, tops.

He told me and my Mum tonight (they are divorced), and I am absolutely shell-shocked. It was a big enough shock last week, but at least then they said it was non-life threatening and could be easily treated.

They say they will undertake chemotherapy, radiotherapy and possibly surgery...but things are not looking good.

I want to know any similar stories from you guys if possible - treatments that helped, general advice, good specialists, etc. He is on BUPA so fortunately cost is not as much as an issue as it could have otherwise been.

We are especially looking at something like homeopathic (sp.?) treatment, as it is said to contain things that can help beat cancer.

I am remaining positive, although deeply shocked, as the tumour in the bowel - which may be the main cause of the problems - can be treated as best as possible, and hopefully the liver and lungs will respond to the drugs.

Coincedentally, my Mum`s friend was diagnosed with similar bowel and liver cancer back in January 2003, given about six months to live...has now made a full recovery, and is rid of cancer completely. Of course, he doesn`t have the `spots` on his lungs, but his liver was more shot up, apparently.

Although the doctors have not given him long, I am praying that with enough support, luck and treatment we can prove them wrong and beat this bastard disease. I lost my grandmother to it about 8 years ago, as well as my Mum`s best friend nearly 2 years ago, so I do know about it more or less first-hand.

(Apologies if this is rushed/not makes much sense, still in shock and wanting to do everything at once.)

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I`m really sorry Rik... any words from me won`t make any difference to you.. but for what it`s worth.. you have my deepest sympathy

Allan

"Just say NO!"

Rik,

That is terrible, sad news for you mate and my condolences are with you at this sad time.

I won`t glamourise things, Cancer is a horrible disease and is always a terrible blow to anybody who suffers from it. I had a member of staff when i was at Tesco on night`s who was suffering from bowel cancer, and as expected there were times when she was up, and times she was terribly down from all the chemotherapy and pain. It is times like this when all you can do is just be there for them. When they`re in that much pain it`s hard for you to find a resolution and they understand that just by your presence you are playing your part in helping them to recover.

Annette sadly passed away, but the thing we all took away from it is the overwhelming sense of love and help she had, right until the end. It was a sad day for all but in our heart of hearts we knew that her pain was over.

The most positive thing for yourself Rik, and of course your Dad, is that it has been spotted early - which is great as it allows the Doctors treating it to attack straight away whilst it`s at it`s most vulnerable and thus give your Dad more chance of beating it. At this time it is now out of your hands and up to the health care bods to ensure your father is treated to the very best of their ability. I am sure with the right will and support your father can see it through :)

All i can say to you now Rik, (and i don`t want this to sound cheesy - i mean it), is just be strong - for yourself and for your mother too. Your greatest advantage is that you`re still young, and this will make you a stronger and better person for the future. You`re already a very gifted writer - i mean that Rik - and you should continue to focus on this as a `breakaway` should things get on top. Your father will appreciate your support, but he will also want you to carry on with the normal things in life too. He`s being looked after by the best people in the business, and their utmost priority now is keeping one of your most prized possessions in life in tip top condition until he`s better :)

If the worst should happen, (god forbid), then at least he will have led a good life. If things get better, then your strength and support will have paid off :)

Life is full of defining moments Rik, and this is one of them. It`s sad, but just be assured that you have not just your family, but also - should you choose to accept it - the well wishing and kind words of over a thousand users on this forum :) :)

Don`t be afraid to post Rik, i for one, am not just a Home Cinema nutcase, im human....Honest!!! :D

Wish your dad the best of luck mate ;)


Westy

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The doctor said the tumour had been in the bowel for about 6 months, and all in all cancer may have been in the body in some form for years. Come to think of it, he has had a slight, dry cough for a while now, but he doesn`t look ill, if you get my meaning.

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Rik

My heart goes out to you and your father at this extremely upsetting and worrying time.
The only advice I can give , for all it is worth, is that you and your father remain optomistic and positive in the coming months. Many people scoff at the power of positive thinking but it can work and with that in mind please try to remain as positive as you can . I realise it will be extremely difficult to remain positive but please try if only for the benefit of your father during the coming months and hopefully years. You may be surprised at how resilient some people can be when faced with such adversity. Lets hope that the support of a loving son like yourself and the support of family and friends will aid your father.
I am really sorry that I cannot offer any more than words but as others have said in other posts "It is good to talk"

Take care Rik

Ian and Irene

Hi Rik, how very sorry I am to hear your bad news.

I personally, am the worst person to ever offer condolences because I am very lucky never to have lost anyone close (unless I include the dog...which was devastating at the time). So, I have never really felt the pain of such a loss. My grandmother died of cancer about 15 years ago but I hardly knew her and was fairly young at the time (I do remember her being very loving when I did see her).

My ex-fiancee lost her dad when she was 17, and 16 years later that sense of loss is still with her from time to time. It was a problem for us because it made her very cautious about everything we did (she didn`t want the rest of her family to be burdened with the pain of more loss) whereas, I was still in my "nothing can touch me" mentality. Ultimately we broke up because I couldn`t handle the constant pressure to "be safe", sounds strange, but I felt and still feel, that I need to take risks to enjoy what life offers. Looking back though, I think I understand her more and therefore I can guess what must be going through your mind at a time like this.

I thought Westy`s point that you should focus some energy into your writing was a very good one. I like to write and am currently writing a short novel. I find it to be a good stress reliever from my everyday life. Maybe you could write something that records your experiences and those of your dad whilst he battles this terrible condition, maybe something quirky may happen that may raise a smile after he wins his battle, just focus that positive energy.

Bowels are worrying things which most people take for granted. I had a small scare earlier this year when I found blood in my Stool and a foul mucus (not pleasant!! :/ ) I had to have an endoscopy and biopsies taken which showed I had ulcerative colitis in my lower bowel. Before I got the result, cancer was playing at the back of my mind. Now I have to watch what I eat more and more and will have to visit the Docs more over time because it can develop into something more sinister when I get older (I do still enjoy the odd Curry, Steak and erm....one, or two beers...hehehe) and I still smoke but hope to quit shortly (when I finish these damn duty frees!!!).

Anyway, I hope your dad makes a full recovery and that you can spend many more years enjoying life as father and son.

Best Wishes

Greg

Not making light of it Rik, but maybe some of those that are moaning about not getting their 99p Dvd`s should read this and realise that a certain amount of `perspective` is required. What`s more important than the way we live and die? Hope your father can keep going through all this and maybe he can prove the experts wrong. My cousin, who is the same age as me (53), and who I went right through school with, from Nursery to Secondary Modern, has just been diagnosed with Lukeamia. It can`t be cured but can be treated, so he doesn`t know if he`ll still be here in 6 months or 6 years, but he is being incredibly brave and honest and is giving life his best shot. After not being particularly close over the last few years, we`ve found ourselves catching up on the past, and talking about the future positively. It`s affected him, but it also puts life into perspective for both of us. Keep us posted Rik, sometimes it`s good to know that other people really are concerned about the welfare of a fellow human being. Good luck.

This item was edited on Tuesday, 11th November 2003, 12:38

Rik - sorry to hear your news - as Westy says you have the support of us all here.

Spartacus

The terrible news must be a terrible shock to you and the family. I am a little sceptical about the length of time doctors give in diagnosis. My grandmother was given only a few weeks to live (I can`t quite remember what the problem was) and she is still alive eight years later. Her quality of life is still fine, at 82. I really do not take much notice of the time doctor`s give.
All the very best to your Dad and the family.

Rik

Sorry to hear your news but it can be beaten!

A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer last January, was given 6 months and is only 17. Note I say is and not was! He has managed to pull through it and has baffled the doctors.

He tells me that he was really p***ed off when he found out - not scared - and just kept telling himself that it was NOT going to get the better of him and that he was NOT ready to give in that easily.

I know people will and do scoff at the idea but there is a lot to be said for absolute positive thinking. I watched a documentary recently about this very thing whereby a young man pictured the tumour he had as those stormtroopers in star wars and his blood cells or something as the good guys. Every night they would have battles until finally one day he could not find the stormtroopers. When he went for tests the doctors where amazed that the tumour has completely disappeared. Weird I know but if something like this can help yo and yor dad then go for it.

Remember Rik keep positive and don`t let it get you down. You and your Dad CAN beat this!

All my best regards.