A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can`t place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought, you might be the father of one of my children !
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "Christ!" he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"
"No" she replies, "I`m your son`s English Teacher!"
:D
My Top 20 Horror Movies ---- My DVD Collection
Is there a suspect in your family? Contact the Ministry of Information. Ring 100 00 00.
This item was edited on Wednesday, 3rd August 2005, 14:07
LOL :D
Cheers
Si
Our Collection (including the ones that belong to the kids!)
`I have something to say. It`s better to burn out than to fade away.`
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don`t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn`t have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can`t you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can`t you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you`re not wearing your seatbelt, sir. That`s an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn`t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you`re driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON`T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma`am?"
"Only when he`s been drinking."
