Page 1 of How true is this?

Only a bit of fun really.No offence intended.



15 Easy Steps to Poo like a Woman:

1. Under no circumstances use any other toilet than your own, regardless of
any stomach pain may be caused whilst waiting to get home.

2. With the toilet-brush, clean any residue left on the pan by your
boyfriend/husband. Also wipe his pubic hair off the seat with some toilet
paper.

3. Flush the toilet before starting. Then wash your hands.

4. Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may have sat on
the toilet since it was last bleached).

5. Stuff toilet paper inside the pan to prevent splash-back.

6. Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still prefer to squat over the
seat as opposed to taking the risk of touching it with bare flesh.

7. Release solids, but strain to avoid making any sounds.

8. Rise and quickly flush before direct eye-contact is made with any
faeces.

9. Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to positively
guarantee that no residue will touch bare skin (about five or six
applications per roll).

10. Wipe once and throw paper into the pan. Do not look at the paper.

11. Repeat steps 9 and 10 at least thirty times. It may be necessary to
yell for your boyfriend/husband to find some more rolls to pass through the
door while promising not to open his eyes or pass any comments. It is
traditional to do this while he is trying to watch sport.

12. Flush the toilet and replace the lid.

13. Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap.

14. Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air freshener.

15. Pick up all reading material left behind by your boyfriend/husband and
leave bathroom, closing the door firmly behind you.

==========

15 Easy Steps to Poo like a Man:

1. Select reading material

2. Tell everyone along the way, "Just going for a dump, okay??" Always tell
girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors.

3. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then sit down.

4. Adjust pen*s and test*cles to hang comfortably without touching the
toilet rim.

5. Open reading material and relax.

6. Whilst waiting, it is traditional to audibly fart.

7. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It is quite normal to
experience a cold jet of water rocket up your anus as a result of the first
bomb. This is to be endured if you want to be a real man.

8. Remain sitting and reading until pins-and-needles set in to your legs
and buttocks.

9. Rise and look at the poo. Make mental notes of any irregularities to
report to friends and girlfriend/wife, e.g. colour, consistency, any
visible traces of peanuts, etc. You must tell people about it.

10. Take long length of paper and wipe anus. You must look at the paper
before throwing it into the pan.

11. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of faeces on the
paper.

12. Flush. If there is any residue left on the pan, under no circumstances
attempt to clean it off. In due course, it will come away by itself. Or,
when your girlfriend/wife next uses the loo.

13. Leave the seat up. Leave the reading material on the floor (you can use
it again later).

14. Wash your hands once.

15. Vacate the bathroom, leaving the door open. It is important to a man`s
self-esteem that other people smell his produce.

Very funny and true apart from the female point 10 - particularly:
"Do not look at the paper".

No matter how much they deny - and they do (I have extensively surveyed on the matter) - looking at the paper, they, like the rest of us cannot resist taking a peek to see if they are clean.

(My findings are based entirely on the fact that they all denied doing it and was worked out using a modified version of the very old equation {He who denied it} = {He who supplied it}).

This item was edited on Monday, 5th August 2002, 21:18

kinda reminds me of a card I sent to the 42%er once.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN.
Always pretend you love going shopping with her, buy her flowers regularly, tell her you don`t mind if she does`nt fancy it tonight, do the washing up, rember to mention how lovley she looks-even when she looks like she`s been dead for days, listen carefully to everything she says and from time to time pretend to care about her mother.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN.
Turn up naked, bring beer.

Also, the 42%er has no one but himself to blame for me being here! I wasn`t watching but BEWARE! I am now.
Traahhhhh, Cath.