Review of Perfect Housewife, The

Introduction

The image of a former Blue Peter presenter, in a skimpy dress and high heels, on hands and knees showing just a suggestion of cleavage, Marigolds donned and scrubbing away like there is no tomorrow, is one that would command a high price in a certain section of the community. But enough about Peter Duncan.

Anthea Turner presents this lifestyle programme on BBC3, and like a whole raft of similar programmes, she`s the Guru who will show the less enlightened the error of their ways. This time the subject is housework. Anthea gathers two hopeless cases each week, shows us their nightmare existences, then proceeds to take them to a housework boot camp for two days, where she imparts her vast housework knowledge. The contestants then go home where they have a week to compete against each other. At the end of the week, Anthea will crown one of them the Perfect Housewife.

This two-disc set contains all eight episodes of series one.

Video

You get broadcast quality 1.78:1 anamorphic, coded for Region 0.

Audio

Broadcast quality stereo. There are no subtitles.

Features

Nothing.

Conclusion

I`m not fond of Anthea Turner, let`s get that little nugget of bias out of the way first. But it wouldn`t matter who was presenting this show, as I positively loathe these cheap, exploitative lifestyle shows. You see them inserted in schedules willy-nilly now, random filler that has me switching off so fast that you can see the steam rising from my remote control.

Members of the public, looking for their fifteen minutes of fame no doubt, will be ensnared by the likes of Trinny and Susannah, Kim and Aggie, or Gillian `poo lady` McKeith. Said lifestyle goddess will spend the next half hour abusing, belittling and patronising their victim, while promoting their own `excellence`. The victim will then try and change, after which the harridan will return to dish out more abuse.

Anthea`s area of expertise is housework, and she whisks off her victims to her mansion in the middle of nowhere, where she proceeds to tell them how useless they are, and how perfect she is. It`s funny how we don`t see the legions of maids and cleaners she must employ to keep a palatial residence of that size in a fit state. If she had to clean that place alone, it would be like painting the Forth Rail Bridge.

The Perfect Housewife is the sort of cheap and nasty TV that deserves a special place in hell. There are eight episodes, over seven hours on this disc. I was contemplating suicide after watching just one. If that makes me an inattentive reviewer, then so be it. Monica from Friends is real! And she isn`t funny!

One mark, because if you can sift through the ego on display here, you might pick up a useful housekeeping tip. And some idiot up there must like this, after all, it got renewed for another series. Why can`t we just put Domestic Sciences back on the school curriculum?

Now leave me alone, I have to go through all my brooms and brushes with a pair of tweezers to get rid of all the dust.