Review of Earthlings: Ugly Bags Of Mostly Water

Introduction

Q`apla!

You know, even the biggest `Star Trek` fans have a hard time understanding people who learn to speak the Klingon language. A product of a fictional universe from the mind of Mark Okrand, a fella who worked on a few `Trek` films, it has a naturally limited vocabulary and very few people actually converse in it. As such, it seems to outsiders to be a pointless exercise by nothing more than a bunch of sci-fi nerds who`ve watched too much Gene Roddenberry.

Claiming to have been intrigued by the concept after happening upon a copy of Hamlet that had been translated into the 2,500 word vocabulary of Klingon, filmmaker Alexandre O. Philippe has created `Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water`, a documentary that looks to paint a portrait of just who these people that invest so much energy into a fictional language actually are and why they do it - an exploration of the birth, the state and the future of the language.

Video

If the very nature of the film didn`t make it clear this is an indie release, then the stylized visuals of an overambitious filmmaker will. Presented in 4:3 letterbox format with a 2.40:1 aspect ratio, the film consists almost entirely of poorly framed, black and white interviews using every budget lens and lighting technique a film school graduate should know. Mr Philippe has even found room to intercut the interviews with lingering abstract shots of well... nothing really.

The DVD transfer itself is particularly unimpressive, suffering from artefacting and noise. But most of the problems with the visuals come from the look that`s been deliberately crafted.

Audio

Dolby Digital 2.0.

As a dialogue driven piece, the stereo track is adequate. It`s also put to good use in presenting some of the most jarring licenced music a handful of euros will buy.

Features

In terms of bonus material, we have a commentary from director Alexandre O. Philippe in which he immediately spends too much time discussing the fineries of his visual style and creating shots. But when he`s reined back in, nothing is discussed feature-wise to raise it above your standard yak-track.

There`s also a short interview with Philippe, and an extended interview with Michael Dorn - which is really only of interest to fans of the man, although his opinions on the Klingon fan-scene are worth listening to. You also have the option of transforming the DVD menu language into Klingon.

And then there`s a trailer. Of course there`s a trailer. There`s always a trailer.

Conclusion

Unlike Roger Nygard`s affectionate `Trekkies`, which showed its participants as kooky, but fun-loving Trek buffs, `Earthlings` is filled with dry talking heads, PhDs and linguistic experts who appear quick to condescend those who don`t "get it". Too vapid to strike viewers on an intellectual level, and too sober to be anything approaching entertaining, it`s hard to believe any but the most ardent Klingon obsessives will get anything valuable from this "documentary".

First of all, everyone involved come across as horrendously dull individuals, with more than a shade of misplaced elitism; these aren`t simply Trekkies, oh no, this lot actually purposefully try to distance themselves from the recognisable fun of the cosplay and convention circuit. Then there`s the complete lack of backstory to the interviewees - who are these people, what do they do when they`re not studying Klingon? An approach like this does nothing but leave the viewer unendeared to them as everyday people, and only adds to distance them from the perceived mould of normal human behaviour. Take, for example, one talking head who claims, in a deadpan manner, he would only speak to his son in Klingon when he was an infant. With no context to this, the idea seems completely idiotic and surely detrimental to the child`s development. Of course, that`s probably not the case, but despite an interview segment with the child, the film goes to no lengths to show the man as a father - he`s simply shown as an obsessive.

The interviews with the people whose names we may actually recognise - Michael Dorn, the actor who played Worf in the Star Trek universe and Mark Okrand, the creator of the Klingon language, are as unsubstantial as the rest, and do little to add any character to the piece. In the case of Dorn, his interview seems to be edited into the film with the purpose of bringing these people back down to earth in an almost mocking tone; his position as a character beacon in the fictional universe is used to eschew the serious linguistic side of their hobby they champion and declare it nothing more than a frivolity. As a result, the intentions of the filmmaker come across as rather uneven - but it`s just another bitter taste of a rather tedious exercise in shoe-string filmmaking, shot almost entirely in hotels (presumably at some sort of gathering) and one in which the people are definitely not the stars.

`Earthlings` didn`t find much of an audience on the extremely limited theatrical circuit, and it`s unlikely to win too many fans on DVD, despite low-level PR bods littering every big user-reviewing site on the web with praise. If you`re a real hardcore Trekkie, you may want to give this a rent on the cheap. It`s unlikely you`re going to want to own it though, despite being marketed as a "great companion piece" for fans of `Star Trek`. For everyone else, you`ll get more pleasure sitting on a Klingon bat`leth... so probably best to stay away completely.