Review of Mad Cows

Introduction

Australian ex-pat Maddy (Anna Friel) has a new baby. Experiencing problematic breasts, she decides to cool the problem by stuffing a packet of frozen peas inside her bra. Unfortunately, this act is captured on the supermarket’s camera and she is sent, rather cruelly, to jail (not only for the theft of said peas; the police are convinced she is also an illegal immigrant). Whilst inside, she meets the father of the baby, Alex (Greg Wise) who is a budding politician and is on a visit to the prison. Now very confused and upset, she unwittingly signs her baby away for adoption. Immediately realising her mistake, she tries to find a way of getting her baby out of prison before the official hand-over date. She manages to make contact with her best friend Gillian (Joanna Lumley) who eventually agrees to smuggle the baby out of prison in her hand bag and take care of it until Maddy is released…

This British movie was entirely financed with private cash, which is nice. The Arts Council saw a glimmer of hope in the plot presented before them and so decided to invest in its production. Unfortunately, they seem to have wasted their time and money.

Starring the likes of Anna Friel, Joanna Lumley, Prunella Scales and Greg Wise, this movie contains the prerequisite acting talent that should guarantee its success. But what is also required, of course, is a decent script. We have the former here, but are sadly lacking the latter.

Video

A reasonable 1.78 anamorphic transfer gives the occasional dust mark, speckle and granularity, but not enough to spoil the on-screen action. The colours have transferred well, being deep and well saturated. “Functional” sums up the video quality quite well I feel.

Audio

Oh dear. Just when you thought it had gone-for-good, the dreaded lip-sync problem rears its ugly head. Although not as severe as some older titles, it is still present here and causes the viewer to tire and lose concentration. This is the first title I have seen with this problem for many months and spoils the DD5.1 soundtrack. The vocal track is not that clear either, sounding too tinny and lacking clout.

Which is a shame as the music is good, with some catchy modern tracks thrown in. Surround effects are few, but when used are effective and well presented.

Features

Only 15 minutes of extras are included here, which is pretty poor by anyone’s standards.

We have the obligatory theatrical trailer, a short featurette and a selection of interviews with the director, producers and cast. None of these are particularly enjoyable or interesting, but it does seem that the cast enjoyed filming this movie, which does show in their performances.

Conclusion

Oh dear. I wanted so much to like this movie, as I feel that the British movie-making business is unique in its approach and delivery. The worldwide success of films such as “The Full Monty” and “Four Weddings” has shown we have what it takes to compete with the big boys of LA. This movie however will have done nothing to further the British cause.

The basic problem here is the plot, or lack of it. Actors can only give of their best if they have a decent script, and a decent plot to follow. Here, both of these are lacking in varying degrees. It so desperately wants to be funny and daft, but ends up being embarrassingly boring. Which is a real shame as the likes of Lumley (although now seemingly typecast in her “Ab Fab” role) and Friel are very capable actors and worthy of a better script and direction. There are some amusing one-liners in the mix, but these are few are a bit too far between. The whole film is saved from total failure by a cute (and exceedingly docile) baby, who giggles and gurgles at all the right times – although how it sleeps through the cacophony around it is amazing.

Maybe the Arts Council would have been better off funding “The Full Monty 2”. For this I’m afraid to say (and I don’t like putting down British productions) is not Mad Cows, but complete bull.