Review of Convent, The

Introduction

College kids, phoney tradition, old abandoned building that may be haunted, need I say more apart from the fact that Coolio plays a cop. Go figure.

Video

A 4:3 full screen transfer that does nothing to impress. The scenes set in darkness are really dark with no detail standing out, your just looking at a dark mush with movement.

The daylight scenes do attempt to shine with some attempt at crispness and clarity but this is definitely the exception in this disc.

The special effects are best described as cheap and an amusing feature is that the director was obviously unhappy with the actors portrayal of lumbering zombies as he has chosen to jerk the film around for extra effect. Nice.

Audio

Wait for it, this disc has taken the brave decision to go with the ground breaking effects that onlt Dolby Digital 2.0 can give us.

A movie such as this gives the sound department so much more scope for incidental noises and effects than a normal run of the mill feature but this time they chose not to bother.

I have heard some good soundtracks in 2.0, not only on classics such as those from the Carlton Collection, but this is not one of them. To my ears the sound was having a very dificult time in tying the vocals to the screen, with left and right channels taking it in turn to portray a centrally located characters voice.

Features

A theatrical trailer is included on the disc aong with the filmographies of the various `name` actors who signed up for this movie. Again I have to state that interactive menus and scene access are not extra features to the many of purchasers, they are expected items that are art of the format.

Conclusion

The best thing about this disc is the tag line " Nuns, Guns and Gasoline" which raised quite a chuckle in the office.

Coolio has to be the most unconvincing cop ever, and I`m including Punch`s mate in CHiPS in this.

The script follows just about every other horror story ever made in that a group of young all American kids just have to go to the haunted house and nose around. None of them are convincing in their roles. Some even seem embarrassed to be there which if you manage to watch the whole film you will understand.

The blurb on the box mentions that the film is satirically funny. This is true, it is funny, but not in the way the producers wished. The film is so bad it`s funny.