Review of Wrong Turn

Introduction

The pre-requisite pack of psycho-bait teenagers are preyed upon in the woods by a cabal of inbred cannibals. Picked off one-by-one, screaming at every opportunity they are wasted with rudimentary efficiency (the first pair of peripheral carcasses smoke pot as well as screw so as to presumably ensure we are swiftly rid of their presence)… but why do we care? ‘Wrong Turn’ claims to mine the same vein of acrid Appalachian horror as ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ and ‘Deliverance’, which is to say that it pilfers shamelessly from both on its frenetically unscary trajectory through every horror-movie cliché known to mankind. Eliza Dushku of ‘Buffy’ fame does the post-feminist tough-gal routine as she battles with her protruding nipples for screen-time alongside an anonymous side of crew-cut beef (Desmond Harrington) after everyone else meets their maker. This leaves time for the audience to crave the vicarious thrill of watching them both be viciously slaughtered as we undergo an undernourished romantic subplot that briefly interrupts the chase before we’re launched into a ludicrously overblown payoff. Ho and indeed hum.

Video

The film is visually dull and matters are not helped by a below average transfer for such a recent release. There are some small compression signs evident at times. Contrast is okay but sharpness and definition are pretty frail throughout.

Audio

Some predictable but quite dynamic use of the surrounds don’t end up injecting any tension due to an over-bearing score by Elia Cmiral that feels the need to underscore even the most banal narrative gesture with atonal orchestral caterwauling. Still, some exercise for your surrounds.

Features

The menus mimic that derivative degraded flash-cut montage style of ‘Seven’s opening credits, but there’s little content to qualify the showy presentation. The DVD displays that annoying proclivity towards splitting up the EPK fluff-featurette into numerous sections in order to pass off the supplements as ‘good value’. No one will be fooled here: fleeting, insubstantial documentaries sit side-by-side with a couple of utterly pointless deleted scenes and a commentary whose participants are so inane that they make you pray for the halcyon days of VHS where we didn’t have to listen to Eliza Dushku’s air-headed insights.

Conclusion

Risible carnage. A bloodily derivative prologue sets the tone: a couple of amateur climbers are killed with brutal efficiency but without even the rumor of suspense. Enter doctor-in-a-hurry Chris Flynn (Harrington) who scrambles down the eponymous dirt-path and into a world of held-notes, trembling damsels and unstoppable, campy monsters with increasingly large weapons and outrageous prosthetics. The performances are dire even by scary movie standards, with Dushku so relentlessly plucky and pouty that her ‘emotional’ scenes categorically fail to convince. And Harrington is not so much taciturn as entirely lacking in any human characteristics.

As with most of 2003’s horror films, ‘Wrong Turn’ is the slasher film sans irony. Whilst such reactionary nostalgia for straight-up ‘70s-style teen-butchery should be expected now that ‘Scream’s postmodern sophistication has deteriorated into ‘Scary Movie’ parody, ‘Wrong Turn’s commitment to the ominous bloodbaths of yesteryear doesn’t stretch much further than the corn-syrup caked-on to the numerous serrated cleavers. Have no illusions: this is anonymous pap that ticks off test-screener demands with all the enthusiasm and verve of a shopping list. Director Rob Schmidt shifts from murky ‘realist’ tones to CGI gore scenes with typically crass abandon. The script is always pretending to wrong-foot the audience, and after much sweating and shrieking, always cops for the most predictable route. As a result, the characters are crudely assembled and picked of as if Schmidt were reciting the alphabet.

The results won’t please anyone, the lack of thrills won’t sway the average punter and gore-hounds have the bloodthirsty sadism of the recent ‘Texas Chainsaw’ remake to sate their appetites. ‘Wrong Turn’ is just about noisy enough as it scrambles through the motions to keep you awake, but nothing can distract you from the fact that this is a tension void.