Review of Dollar For The Dead

Introduction

When this movie fell into my lap I was strangely excited by the prospect of watching a cowboy flick for the first time in ages. The dust jacket has a picture of Emilio Estevez in suitable moody and enigmatic pose and summoned up memories of old favourites such as "Young Guns". I`m a bit of a sucker for all the posturing and reluctant heroism in the wild frontier typified by the old Clint Eastwood / Sergio Leone partnerships, and I have to say that this cheesy, OTT but very much tongue-in-cheek offering didn`t disappoint me in the slightest.

Video

The story is very familiar to anyone who`s ever watched a western, which I would think is practically everyone on the planet. Estevez plays the enigmatic gun-slinger who`s never beaten to the draw. These characters are, as you well know, extremely easy to find - they`re always drinking whisky alone in saloons, standing at the bar with their hat drawn over their eyes, and Estevez is no exception. He`s also being pursued by a gang of "regulators", or private policemen, for reasons as yet unknown, which is another dead giveaway, but most importantly, the bartender is very anxious to ensure he`s always ready with another shot for him before he has to ask. If you ever see a guy like this in your local - take my advice and go somewhere else. Don`t make the fatal mistake of sitting at a table behind him and staring quizzically at his back, it`ll only end in tears.
During the first gun battle (about 3 minutes in), you realise just what a parody this movie is - it`s billed as a tribute to Sergio Leone, and Gene Quintano seems to have managed to condense every Leone trademark into the film several times over, which makes it extremely entertaining. I chuckled happily as Estevez wasted about 15 guys in as many seconds - lots of slow motion footage capturing his double-pistol action as he performed gravity defying rolls and jumps all over the pub. Remember Romano in TJ Hooker? Well Estevez could show him a thing or two about jumping, rolling and firing in mid-air, and that, as you know, is saying something.
Plot is there as a supporting role to Estevez killing people - although Woo does seem to cheerfully admit that the film is basically all about Estevez killing people, and involves the quest to recover 3 missing holsters, which when put together with a fourth already in the posession of a one-legged civil war veteran who "befriends" Estevez (by not getting killed by him) form a map to the secret location of half a million dollars. Estevez and one-leg embark on a mission of recovery. Personally I`d pay Estevez half a million dollars every time he put on a display like he did in the bar - I`d raise it somehow.
Knowing I would be reviewing the movie, I started to collect some statistics for you (I know, I know, kindness was always a weakness of mine), but kept forgetting to record them.
I do have a couple of interesting ones for you though. During one battle, Estevez personally despatches 17 men to boot hill. In the course of the same battle he fires 18 shots from one of his six-shooters and over 20 from his other, oh and there`s a Gatlin gun with magic never ending invisible ammunition, but I guess that`s the point.
The real strength of the film is in it`s dialogue, well it`s one liners. Estevez says very little and in fact only communicates by killing people or making a quip at them, sometimes both, and the lines are not reserved for him alone, in fact the set is populated with one-line wonders. They should form a union. One of my favourites is when the man-mountain who is the leader of the regulators, Reager, arrives at the shattered saloon which Estevez left in scene 1, he casually surveys the smoke-filled scene of absolute destruction and murmurs profoundly to his colleagues, "He`s been here."
Reager goes on to question the bartender as to Estevez`s whereabouts, only to be warned not to follow him, he being the most dangerous man with a gun the bartender has ever seen. "There`s always someone faster", says Reager, "He`s the one", replies the bartender, "he`s the one who`s always faster". And he is.
I`ve never seen a horse skid before, but this is just one of the many treats in store for the viewer. Either they actually shot a horse at full gallop, or the equine species can act a whole lot better than the cast of "Sabrina the teenage Witch".
As I said earlier, the film has every Western movie cliche in the book, because it`s designed to. If you`re an Eastwood purist you may get a bit handbaggy at some of the blatant p***taking, but the great man did it himself in "Unforgiven", don`t forget. ("Anyone here who don`t wanna die - go on out the back now").
Reager himself is, of course, a martial arts expert and quite capable of making a sizeable dent in the Mexican army all by himself, which he does on several occasions. He too has some great lines, for example when he is told by a soon to be dead Mexican captain that "You have a short fuse, my friend", he pauses to adjust his monumental chin to the right angle, lights his cigar and replies in just THE mean and moodies voice you`ve ever heard, "No fuse - and we ain`t friends". Later a priest tells him "You don`t scare me", to which Reager growls, "Then you`re a very brave man - I even scare myself."

Audio

Lots of gunshots and whinnying, together with atmospheric "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" type "whoo whoo whoo, wah wah wah" stuff. Constant sound of hooves, all day, every day, everywhere.

Features

Sorry - didn`t notice, I`ll take a look and update this if there are any. Hopefully there`s a "How we made that horse skid" feature.

Conclusion

This is entertainment for all. It`s very cheesy. You`ll love it.