Almighty Thor

Introduction

Oh, here it comes…another blockbuster reinterpreted by The Asylum. Bet you cant wait to hear about it, eh?

The mighty god Odin (WWF star Kevin Nash) rules the kingdom of Valhalla with his sons Baldir (Jess Allen) and Thor (Cody Deal). Then along comes arch enemy and demon god Loki (Richard Grieco), rising from hell to take possession of the Hammer of Invincibility from Odin and submit the world to Ragnarok. Odd though that hell is a place of molten lava and a bit hot, whereas Loki is paler than Gary Numan during his bezerker period.

Still, Odin and Baldir fall, leaving Thor to swear with mighty juvenile lip quivering that he'll kill Loki. Lucky for him, but not us, a mysterious and beautiful demigoddess Jarnsaxa (Patricia Valasquez) persuades Thor that discretion is the better part of valour and persuades him to run - after all, Loki not only his a magic bone but giant dog-like creatures (only dog-like as the CGI artists are really bad), who are already destroying the kingdom.

Jarnsaxa and Thor travel to the modern day world where she has a magic hideout that Loki can't find, although he does. And the battle for the Hammer of Invincibility reaches it's climax…

Picture

Just a quick word on how dire the CGI is: the CGI is really dire. OK, carry on…

Oh, and talking of pictures. The Hammer of Invincibility used in the film is quite distinctive so why are the hammers on both the cover artwork and the DVD menu completely different from each other as well as the one in the film? Annoying…

Overall

The Asylum are the team behind the genius that was Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, film that was probably just as cheap but was a real gem in corniness and almost an act of genius.  Any comparisons with Almighty Thor, an obvious cash in on Kenneth Branagh's film, is laughable. Almighty Thor makes Uwe Boll's films look like Oscar winners, there are no redeeming features to it at all.

The acting is laughable.  Thankfully, especially for WWF fans, Kevin Nash is only in this for about 5 minutes. I say thankfully, as it would be a real shame for him to be remembered for this tripe, especially as he's only here to yell rather loudly and be involved in a crap sword fight. Richard Grieco, who I remember fondly from 21 Jump Street and a promising acting career in junior Bond vehicle Teen Agent, must surely have huge debts to clear or no common sense to have agreed to this tripe. His dialogue is dire and spends much of the latter half of the film being shot wandering moodily round what I'm assuming is downtown LA looking like an angry Goth who can't find a decent fetish shop, whilst people wander by in the background looking slightly bemused (yes, no clearing the streets here, people just walk through the shots…).

All of this pales into comparison though when you consider the abomination that is Cody Deal as Thor.  Grieco has the nerve during the Making of Featurette to suggest that Deal is a better Thor than the one in Branagh's film. All I can say is that he must have been completely inebriated when he said that. Deal's Thor is a whiny baby who never listens to the advice of his saviour in Valesquez. Despite the obvious evidence that he can't fight, he is always whinging on about how he must kill Loki and despite promising to follow Jarnsaxa and train to do the job, the moron ignores her and wanders off on his mission of vengeance. Bizarrely, despite all evidence to the contrary, the two even swear to a mutual love - of course, the spoiled brat has gotten her killed at this point and it's her dying breath, but seriously - how the hell did the script writers think that this would be a logical outcome to their tiresome character?

Ooh, I'm angry.   Angry I watched this when I should have known better. This really is dire and has zero redeeming features. Almighty Thor? Almighty Bore more like…