Caligula Uncut Edition

Caligula
 
To those prudes out there who think this is a porn film, let me make this clear, porn films are never this boring. Banned in many countries and released in a multitude of different cuts and versions this 'totally uncut and uncensored' should really be headlined 'totally uncut and uncensored and still boring'. The actual history of the film's creation is slightly more interesting than the finished product and a documentary concerning it would certainly be more entertaining. Originally written by Gore Vidal, he sought out help from Penthouse media mogul Bob Guccione, who financed the production on the basis that it involved many of his Penthouse ladies and that a gratuitous amount of sex be included. I think the director (started by Tinto Brass and completed by Giancarlo Lui and Bob Guccione himself) took that to mean that every single scene would involve some nudity of some kind. Now, just as The Passion of the Christ numbed you to torture, this film did the same with nudity. I shudder to think how many naked bodies were seen throughout this film, but it guaranteed that no matter how hard the censors tried to cut down, it was still going to be a lot.
 
Caligula follows the story of Caligula (McDowell), who upon the death of the former Emperor (O'Toole) becomes Emperor of Rome. He has an incestuous relationship with his sister, has almost everyone and anyone who he sees as a threat murdered for treason and spends at least 80% of the film having sex with someone or other. The cast list of this film is truly stunning Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole and John Gielgud, but the more you watch, the more you think 'Why are you in this film?' At times it feels like some primary school version of a Shakespeare play and at others like a cheap porn film. This I presume is the work of Lui and Guccione, but to be honest you wonder if all they did were minor re-shoots which of the many, many sex scenes they contributed to this mess.
 
I think my biggest issue with this film is not the sex or the nonsensical story, it is simply the length. At over two and a half hours you really wonder if they cut an hour of footage (which is essentially just a tableau of sex and gratuitous violence) it wouldn't be more satisfying. Of course, we could say that the whole point is to show the sheer depravity of Caligula's Rome, but even still an hour and a half of that would have been enough. The other issue is at times there are moments of comedy that I'm sure are completely unintentional with giant phallic shapes statues looking like something from Blackadder.
 
The fact that this was released with no extra features of any kind makes it a wasted opportunity. Instead of interviews with cast and crew about the production, possibly a commentary by a film historian or critic to explain the origins of the film we have nothing. Unlike some films that could get away with this based on the quality of the film, this one certainly cannot do this and it seems they were relying on the whole 'uncut' part to sell this film. (A three disk set is available with a plethora of special features for those who care to know what the people making this were actually thinking...if at all!)
 
Caligula is not a great historical epic, or the 'Ben Hur with sex' that it claims to be. In fact I'd say it was closer to the Life of Brian with sex… but I wouldn't want to compare that classic to this waste of my time.