Review of Commando

Introduction

Well, I must confess to being an Arnie fan, having seen all of his films including from the quite awful "Hercules in New York" to the latest blockbuster "End of Days". There are some turkeys in there, but for throwaway entertainment, action and gratuitous violence, there is no substitute!

I was therefore looking forward to Commando, not having seen it for many many years, and having taken the plunge to add it to my DVD collection. Before going any further with this review I`ve really got to warn you that this film has not aged well...and strangely enough I can see where my dad was coming from all those years ago when he accused me of watching dross like this!

Video

Video is presented in a non-anamorphic 1.85:1 transfer, which is clear and stable throughout. There are no compression problems, no difficulties with night-time scenes and in general the picture was satifactory.

The visuals in the film itself are generally fine apart form some truly appalling rear-projection that has got to be seen to believed.

Audio

The soundtrack is presented in Dolby Digital Surround (2.0) and is for the most part clear. There is plenty of bass and some suitably cheesy 80`s action movie music.

Oddly any weapon Arnie is carrying sounds a great deal more "manly" than anything his opponents have - take his machine gun for example the bass really thumps when he fires but everyone else`s gun sounds like a pea shooter!

One major problem with the sound however is that the frequency range seems to end somewhat lower than most other films, leading to a fairly dull sound in most of the action sequences. It is almost as if the whole soundtrack has been moved down an octave to give more bass thump at the expense of high-end clarity.

Overall the sound sounds 15 years old and nothing has been done to improve it.

Features

A trailer is the only feature on offer. Probably best to watch it instead of the film as it contains all the interesting bits without too much of the abysmal acting inbetween.

And quite why studios insist on calling scene selection and subtitles extras on the back of the packaging never ceases to amaze me...

Conclusion

Well, starting with the picture - it`s actually not too bad which is just as well really as there`s not much else on offer - th sound is below par due to the dulled down tone and there are no extras.

The film itself is pants. The acting by all characters is cringeworthy - Arnie is wooden and walks like he`s got something stuck up his bum - he is just about saved by some of his one-liners, he obviously gets the "I`ll be back" line in, and there are some others that raise a smile. The opening sequence sees him carrying an enormous log on his shoulder - he then just stops for a casual look around so we can see his muscles - this pretty much sets the tone for the next 90 minutes.

The main villain`s acting is breathtakingly bad, which coupled with an outfit of leather and chainmail along with a shocking moustache makes him look more like someone who just come out of an Amsterdam gay bar than a special forces military nutcase. Then there`s a very annoying short bloke in the worst 80`s suit of all time, a dictator who really can`t act at all and hoardes of blokes wearing ludicrous false moustaches and sideburns who just run into a hail of Arnie`s bullets, his knife of any other handy weapon. Either they ran out of central american lookalikes or the "dead" people just run round off camera to be shot again. The end-scene fight is quite spectacularly cheesy!

We`ve also got a fight in a motel room when shots get fired through a wall, but when after loads of noise and fighting Arnie chucks his opponent through the wall, a couple are having sex in bed like nothing has happened. Or the bloke who when shot about 40 times has walk backwards and blatently throw himself off a balcony...I could go on all night...

And it`s not just the acting that lets the side down - the continuity person should have been shot at dawn! There`s a big car chase involving a yellow Porsche that gets rammed and turned on its side. There are huge dents and scores etc all over the car, but wahey! when Arnie pushes it back on it`s wheels, he`s seen driving away in a new model straight from the factory floor. It gets worse as the next scene reverts to the battered model again...

On the plus side (scraping the barrel here) there`s a HUGE bodycount, some classic slo-mo shots of Arnie with M60, feeding in rounds and rounds of ammo whilst killing hundreds of baddies and some real "ouch" moments.

Overall, as I said at the start of the review, I`m an Arnie fan, and remembered this one to be enjoyable. Having now watched it (and paid for it), I`m happy in the knowledge that the next one in my list (Total Recall) will (please) be much much better.

Only the very keen should bother with this one.