Review of Troll / Troll 2

Introduction

With Halloween on the horizon you may be tempted by this `twofer` edition from MGM. Not one hair-raising thriller but…well, that`s it really, not one. Neither movie will raise more than a finely plucked eyebrow.

Troll 1 kicks off not quite knowing which way it`s heading. It`s kind of a sit-com (that could really do with some canned laughter because it sure as hell isn`t getting any real laughs) mixed with a touch of `Labyrinth` with just a soupcon of `Gremlins` thrown in for good measure. Childish in the extreme, it just manages to miss even that potential audience by nudging over the acceptability barrier with some of the language and violence.

So here`s what happens. The Potter family (headed up by father, Harry), move into a new apartment. The youngest girl follows her bouncing ball into the spooky basement and …becomes a shape-shifting Troll. She then works her way through the block changing folk into monsters and their apartments into greenhouse-like portals to allow other Trolls to enter the building. Luckily (phew!), her brother discovers that a white-witch lives upstairs and together they set about putting pay to the Troll take-over bid.

The best scene is probably seeing Sonny Bono chasing around his apartment after the little girl who, after shape shifting into a cheeky little troll (are they kids in there or really tiny midgets?). He then gets turned into a giant chrysalis. Crazy stuff!

Troll 2 was shot six years after the first film and went straight to video with no theatrical release. This is a real stinker of a movie, and its only saving grace is the fact that it seems to know it. Those actors can`t really be as wooden as that can they? I suspect it was the only way they felt they could play it - a serious attempt to make something of the poor material here would have been embarrassing.

Here`s the plot. A family swap homes with some country folk from the remote rural town of Nilbog (cripes! Spell that backward and you have a clue as subtle as Christopher Lee`s Count Alucard!). The youngest son has some very unconvincing visitations from his deceased grandfather to warn him away from the evils of Nilbog, but the family pay no heed. All the citizens of Nilbog are shape-shifting goblins who, being vegetarians, turn their victims into vegetable mush in order to eat them.

There`s even a Goblin loving witch, whose house the family and friends inevitably arrive at, who would be thrown out of pantomime for over-acting. The costume department was clearly under-funded and out of ideas for this less than breath-taking sequel with Goblins who appeared to be 90% sacking material.

Troll 2 achieved what many would have deemed an impossible task. It was actually worse than the first!

Video

1:85:1 Widescreen Anamorphic. It`s a reasonable print, though colours look a little washed out and contrast is low. There`s little sign of wear.

Audio

There`s a stereo Digital 2.1 English soundtrack here that`s serviceable enough. The music in both pictures is an annoying mid-80`s AOR kind of sound that sounds both dated and peculiarly inappropriate. There`s also a German soundtrack (mono only), which I didn`t try.

Features

Half a dozen sub-title options. Also - it`s worth mentioning that, unlike its US counterpart, this edition is NOT a flipper. Both movies are compressed to a one side of a dual layer disc. There`s no room for `making of` featurettes here, or audio commentary which would have been fascinating. It would be good to try and get an understanding of how movies this bad get made.

Conclusion

These aren`t great movies, sadly. They are not really very good at all. In fact they`re positively BAD. But not bad enough, in my view, to come full circle and be so bad they`re good. Confused? You will be by the end of these two ill conceived and diabolically realised flicks. I must confess to being disappointed. On paper, `Troll 1` sounds worthy of a look. Featuring none other than Sonny Bono as a middle-aged swinger, Trolls that look like they`ve been to the Asda Halloween section rather than `wardrobe`, a family headed up one `Harry Potter` (I kid you not!), and a storyline that relies on a suspension of disbelief that is beyond belief, and you might just have the ingredients for a fun movie. Put them together and what do you get? Not much sadly.

`Troll 2`, despite featuring warty goblins without even the mention of a troll, is self-consciously bad (with parody wooden-acting and a ludicrous script) and is therefore a little more enjoyable, but I only persevered out of a mis-placed sense of duty. Under other circumstances I would probably demand my money back.

In language so popular at the moment, these are SO not worth getting. You have been warned!