Review of Ghoulies / Ghoulies 2

Introduction

Why buy single 80`s horror film when you can buy a pair of `Ghoulies` for the same price? (Sorry about the pun but at least we`ve all got that out the way now…). That may be logical for some movies and their sequels but this `twofer` would be a much better deal sans `Ghoulies 1`. It`s just such an awful film.

`Ghoulies` was made in 1985 and in the wake of the success of far superior films like `Gremlins` did remarkably good box-office, probably on the strength of the movie-posters alone. It was an opportunity to make an amusing, light-horror movie featuring sharp-teethed `ghoulies` that were just a teensy bit scarier than `Animal` from the Muppets. It could have carried a few laughs too - and the expectation that this was what they were going to get drove thousands of soon-to-be disappointed punters to see it. Unforgivable really.

The real problem with the movie, which was made on a modest but realistic budget for the time, was that it was based on a really bad screenplay. Bad but not bad enough to come full circle and be `enjoyably` bad either.

It`s a film that just never gets going. And if it`s `Ghoulies` you`ve paid to see then it`s Ghoulies you expect to get. There are precious few in this film, and less than a hint of them in the first interminable hour.

The film starts with a satanic ritual where a young baby is almost sacrificed to dark forces. It turns out that the baby is the leader of the cult`s own son. Before the sacrificial ceremony is complete the baby is rescued (interestingly by Jack Nance of `Eraserhead` fame). The movie rolls forward to the present when the baby, now a man, (named Jonathan played by Peter Liapis) returns to the spooky mansion that was his family home with his girlfriend, with no recollection of the evils of the past. There are dark forces at work and he is soon compelled to start practising the dark magic himself, reading from a book found in a spooky basement, and wearing the satanic robes of his father, also conveniently located in the basement. This is all fine, but where are those cute `Ghoulies` we all paid to see? He then involves friends in a ritual that spooks them completely and (at last) they are unaccountably attacked in entirely unconvincing way by a Ghoulie or two. Eventually his father rises from the ashes and a battle of dark magic begins, occasionally punctuated with the grimace of growl of a Ghoulie. Very disappointing.

`Ghoulies II`, however, is choc-o-bloc with the little critters, and is probably the film that most that rushed to see G1 thought they were going to get. Sure, it`s not a wonder of cinematic creativity - just a fun romp with some Muppets gone bad. This time a whole heap of Ghoulies hitch a ride on a travelling carnival truck that contains an attraction called `Satan`s Den`. It`s an old-school attraction that`s failing to spook its visitors and failing to pay its way and is about to be closed down. Naturally, once the Ghoulies get to work the word spreads and the ride becomes a huge hit, despite the fact that some of the visitors (the ones we don`t like) end up as Ghoulie-snax. Most the action takes place inside the studio set that comprises `Satan`s Den` and there`s little in the way of narrative. The acting is predictably awful and there`s a limp attempt at a couple of sub-plots, including the thwarting of the cruel hand of capitalism as it attempts to shut the ride down in favour of more profitable enterprises.
There`s also a Shakespeare quoting dwarf for the culture-vultures, and a couple of pretty belly dancing ladies, so all in all, just the right ingredients for a diverting 90 minutes. There`s an air of the old Scooby-Do`s about this movie, and my guess is that early teens will be its greatest admirers, though there are some violent moments, and some light references to sex. It carried a PG-13 rating in the US so you can make your judgement based on that.

Video

`Ghoulies` is a little subdued on this transfer with slightly less than perfect definition, though this was no surprise. Far more surprising was the quality of the `Ghoulies II` transfer which was pretty amazing. Crystal clear, great definition and virtually flawless. As a budget MGM release I can only hazard a guess that this happened more by good luck than judgement.

Audio

A really mixed bag. Whilst `Ghoulies` is presented in Digital Mono, `Ghoulies II` has a stereo track where the technicians have gone pan crazy. Either that or I had a faulty disc. Audio seemed to pan from left to right in a manner unheard of since `Dark side of the Moon`. The disc details claim this is mono too but it`s that special sort of `double-mono` that comes out of two independent speakers. They should come up with a name for it…something like `stereo` might work! All in all - both soundtracks are perfectly acceptable.

Features

Hey - you get a perfectly reasonable pair of `Ghoulies` here on one disc. What more do you want? There`s nothing here but some alternative audio tracks and subtitles.

Conclusion

Like the tens of thousands of teenagers who flocked to see the original theatrical release of `Ghoulies` on its initial release in 1985, I was attracted to the poster/DVD wrap that features a Gremlin-like creature emerging from a toilet with the tag `It will get you in the end`. How disappointing it was to find that `Ghoulies` is a turgid, humourless, slow-moving excuse of a movie with barely a `Muppet-gone-Bad` in sight.

Fortunately all is not lost as this `twofer` set also includes the lower budget follow-up, `Ghoulies II`, which really delivers on the initial promise. This is no sequel. There is no attempt to connect to the first movie. This is just a Scooby-do style romp, choc-o-bloc with the cute little critters. The narrative is so incidental that it never gets in the way of the movies real aim; a lot of gnashing, shrieking and gurgling `Ghoulies` attacking their prey - witless attendees to a carnival side-show, `Satan`s Den`. It`s certainly not a great movie, but at least G2 does what it says on the tin.