Review of Transformers: Armada Metamorphosis Volume 1

Introduction

Nostalgia, don`t you just love it? I used to be an avid fan of the cartoon when I was a child. I`d be eager to get home on time from school every day as it would be certain that another action packed episode would be on. Usually an episode of whatever was in vogue at the time. They are easy to recognise, they`d be about 20 minutes long, would have countless action figures available and a comic would be published weekly. We`re talking Bravestarr, The Real Ghostbusters, He Man and the Masters of The Universe, Thundercats, Dungeons and Dragons and Mask. A fixation with the twenty-minute cel-animation format that began with the Filmation Tarzan cartoons lasted up to Teenage Mutant Hero/Ninja Turtles (delete as appropriate) when I went to University, and my tastes matured to the communal daily viewing of Blockbusters.

Perhaps my favourite cartoon was Transformers. Of all the cartoons, Transformers had the best spin-off toys. I remember pestering my dad for one and getting a Zoid instead. Parents, huh? At least I didn`t get a Gobot. The battle between the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons came to Earth when the Autobots crashed in prehistoric times. Awoken millions of years later, their battle re-ignited as they tried to get the upper hand and secure the planets supply of Energon cubes. I still remember the theme tune, "Transformers, Robots in disguise. Autobots dum de dum de dum de dum the Decepticons!" Word for word…

Anyway, when the opportunity to review Transformers Armada came up, I leapt at the chance. "A new series made last year with groundbreaking computer animation" said the blurb. That raised a question or two but I put them to one side and got down to watching the first three episodes of Transformers Armada.

The Transformers story has been reinvented for the twenty first century, and it is a new one with some new and some familiar characters. The Autobots and the Decepticons have been battling for supremacy over the planet of Cybertron. Their goals have been to dominate the diminutive Mini-Cons. Tiny Robots that when joined with a Transformer enhances his power significantly. Naturally the Mini-Cons become precious commodities. The Mini-Cons no longer wanting to be fought over escape and their space ship crashes into prehistoric Earth, scattering them all over the planet. In the present day, three high school kids are investigating a cave where they come across a crashed spaceship. When one of them activates a Mini-Con a signal is sent back to Cybertron alerting the Transformers of the Mini-Con`s location. As the children are escaping the cave, the gargantuan form of Megatron appears, demanding the Mini-Con. He`s just about to destroy the children when another flash of light heralds the arrival of Optimus Prime, who intervenes. Battle has commenced…

Video

Transformers Armada is presented in a 4:3 regular ratio. The transfer itself is perfectly adequate. The animation though is dire. This isn`t the original Marvel cartoon made in the early eighties, this is a new animation made in 2002 by Sabella Dern Entertainment in Japan. Traditional cel-animation has been replaced by the latest computer animation techniques, and while the special effects may be impressive, the character animations are simplistic and static. The `cels` are created wholly in the computer and that shows in the perfection of the image. A face will be completely static while the mouth is animated. It`s almost like a slideshow. When the hi-tech imagery meets the character animation the effect is jarring and out of place. The character designs also seem to change halfway through an episode. The anime influence is apparent though and they bear little or no resemblance to the characters I grew up with.

Audio

The sound is a DD 2.0 mix and it is quite mundane and harmless. There are no subtitles though. The theme tune is just the opening refrain of the original repeated over and over, quite irritating really. The dialogue is the king of badly dubbed English that you find in Pokemon cartoons, with the characters spouting such ridiculous lines they are laughable and is sometimes drowned out by the background music.

Features

The only extra worth mentioning is a multiple-choice quiz. There are two others called Battles and Transforms that are really just chapter selections, and show the Battles and Transforms that take place in the episode without any of that exposition rubbish. All very children oriented really.

Conclusion

I wanted to be lenient to Transformers Armada. After all it is a kids cartoon that will appeal to many. But I can`t lower myself to endorse this rubbish. Transformers Armada p***es liberally all over my memories and insults the decent and intelligent cartoon that I used to watch.

The animation is laughable and nowhere near the quality of cel-animation twenty years old. I really feel sorry for today`s audiences who have to put up with cartoons created by the lowest bidder, and I don`t believe its just nostalgia talking when I say that. It`s obvious that animation budgets are only put into quality product like the Simpsons or CGI animations like the superior Beast Wars or Dan Dare. Compared to them, Transformers Armada is a joke.

However that isn`t even close to the dire nature of the story, scripted from the Power Rangers` school of narrative. The characters are identical to the Rangers, with the Decepticons holed up on the moon and teleporting down occasionally to wreak havoc on the Earth. When their nefarious plans are thwarted Megatron berates his inept legion and exhorts them to better performance. One of them is a belligerent character that breast beats constantly, while another is a whining snivelling toady who pleads for favours from his master. The similarities are unmistakeable. Besides Megatron transforms into a tank in this cartoon when everyone knows that he transforms into a gun. The morons!

The bottom line is that this is all crap. And for the RRP getting only an hour of episodes is almost criminal. Don`t do this to your children. It`s like buying them a Zoid.