Review for Hired to Kill

‘Hired to Kill’ is not a great movie. It’s a completely over-blown, low-budget cliché riddled mess of a film that will surely only appeal to those who love to watch films that are so bad that they’re …well, bad. Despite being indefensible from just about any reasoned yardstick for such things, you might decide that an early 90’s ‘Terminator meets Charlie’s Angels’ is for you – particularly as it features not one, but seven swimsuit clad agents ready to bring down a South American Dictator. It’s directed by Nico Mastorakis, the director responsible for somewhat better ‘The Zero Boys’ and the highly controversial ‘Island of Death’.


Mercenary Frank Ryan (Brian Thompson, the poor man’s Schwarznegger) has been given a mission – to free a revolutionary leader, held on a small island by an evil, drug smuggling dictator, Michal Bartos’ (played by a drunken Oliver Reed in what would be his final, and possibly worst ever performance). But it’s not going to be easy. Arriving with a crack team of soldiers would mean certain death – they’d never get past border control. The only solution, according to the CIA contact (George Kennedy) is to recruit a crack team of female killers who, posing as fashion models, will get past the border and behind enemy lines.

So Ryan, all beefcake and no personality, sets out to recruit the meanest women available – from prisons, ex-army, and martial artists. He then proceeds to brief them in a suitably clichéd ‘it’s going to get tough’ way, patronising them and acting every bit the sexist oaf without even a modicum of irony.

Cue some ridiculous action, turgid dialogue, gratuitous (but very occasional) nudity and a plot that needs very healthy doses of disbelief to be suspended to enjoy.

In some regards, it’s arguably brainless action hero fodder with some not unpleasant eye-candy – the kind of thing that might appeal to a teenage boy.

According to an interview with Brian Thompson, Oliver Reed was virtually unmanageable throughout the film, frequently drunk and often dropping his trousers to expose himself to cast and crew. Nice.

That vibe just about sums the film and maybe, even through a drunken haze, Reed could sense just how far he had fallen.

Despite its low budget, on the plus side, the film does have a certain amount of reasonable production value with helicopters, boats and fast cars all part of the action. The cinematography is perfectly adequate too with a nice transfer which is pretty flawless.

Although the film heralds from the early nineties, it feels like a film from a decade before and maybe that will be its saving grace for fans of eighties, straight to video cheese like this.

For me, the extra features were more fun that the film itself.
There’s a complete commentary from the refreshingly honest film editor, Barry Zetlin, who talks about his career in general. There are interviews here as well, with the likable Nico Mastorakis and Brian Thompson where they talk about the making of the film, including Nico having to resume directorial duties as the first director fell for one of the actresses and became ‘less reliable’ as a result. There’s a very informal with Brian Thompson too who claims to have landed the role pretty much because Mastorakis was his Father-in Law. He tells a few merry tales including a rather unkind one about one of the leading ladies’ ‘large saggy breasts’, somewhat unnecessary and revealing the man to be about as sensitive as his on-screen persona.

So overall, not a great film, but Arrow completest may want to add it to their collection – particularly with the top notch artwork on the packaging making it a nice addition to the collection, particularly if you already have ‘Zero Boys’. Just don’t expect a masterpiece.