Review for Naked As Nature Intended & Secrets Of A Windmill Girl

What a delightful double bill from Odeon Entertainment's 'Slap and Tickle' collection - far more enjoyable than the previous couple of releases, which only served as a reminder of how sad, sleazy and utterly un-erotic Britain's soft-core porn industry became.

Both the films in this collection herald from a date before the eventual demise of this annal of British film history, and both charmingly reflect a more innocent age with their gentle, almost desperate attempts at mild titillation. This was an age when the merest hint of a breast was something of significance, and the films need to be viewed in that context.

NAKED AS NATURE INTENDED

George Harrison Marks started out his inglorious film-making career in 1959 with 8mm loops for the home movie market. In 1961, Tony Tenser and Michael Klinger, owners of the Gargoyle Club, approached George about making a feature film.

'Nudie Cuties' were popular both sides of the Atlantic in the late 50's / early 60's (giving film-makers like Russ Meyer their first taste of success) though viewed through today's jaded eyes they merely amuse by their innocence. The occasional flash of skin or a slightly dimpled white bottom were all the reward you got for many minutes of patient waiting. 

"Maybe this will take his mind off that damned crossword…"

The only way to get past the censors in the UK at the time was to make a film supposedly about nudism. 'Naked as Nature Intended' is rather like the film Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw are watching at the start of 'Carry on Camping'. It started out life as 'Cornish Holiday' and featured three young ladies setting off for a holiday in Cornwall by car. Pamela Green played the main part (and was, in fact, a popular 'dancer' and 'model' of the day, and she is joined by two friends - Petrina who works in an office, and Jacki who works in a shoe shop (played by namesakes, Petrina Forsyte and model Jackie Salt).

They bump into two other girls en-route (Bridgit Leonard and Angela Jones) who are both members of a nudist camp who own a private beach in Cornwall. 

 "When you said I'd meet the Stones, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind…"


Maybe for budgetry reasons, Stuart Samuels appears to take most the remaining parts, appearing as the guard at Stonehenge, a fisherman at Clovelly, a Shakespearian actor at Minack, a sailor and a waiter at the pool.
The film takes a gentle route to the camp, stopping off at hot tourist spots like a period travelogue, dragging out the eventual reveal of a bit of flesh as the movies payoff. 

"I think we've been conned. These carpets are never going to fly." "Yes - and this invisibility cloak seems faulty too".

When they arrive in the deserted beach, and meet the nudist girls, there is an interesting 'staged debate' about nudism and before you know it, they're convinced and in the raw. Hurrah!!

Most the others in the sequence were real members of the nudist club, and probably frequently featured in 'Health and Efficiency', a popular, though fairly unsexy nudie-mag of the time. 

"At last. Naked as nature intended".

In December 1961 the film opened at the Cameo Moulin in Great Windmill Street. Despite no budget the queues were enormous and police were drafted in to keep everyone under control. The film ran for continuously for 15 months before it ran out of steam.

Viewed today, it's a lovely time capsule with the journey providing as many thrills for nostalgia freaks as the actual arrival. So much of early sixties Britain is here for you to enjoy.

The print is a bit splotchy though perfectly adequate. 

"Oh Crumbs. This is supposed to be a 'Slap and Tickle' DVD release but I can't find a single saucy postcard."

SECRETS OF A WINDMILL GIRL

Released five years after 'Naked', 'Secrets of a Windmill Girl' marks the point where the supposed innocence and charm of Soho was about to turn sour. It's a melodramatic pot-boiler of a film, imbued with moralistic balance. Despite being directed by Arnold L Miller and produced by Stanley Long (both with long histories of nude magazine photography and stag loop production) it's barely in the sexploitation league, providingonly the most fleeting 'feather dance' reveals of any real nudity. It also stars Pauline Collins, best known for her various TV outings with husband John Alderton (Upstairs, Downstairs for one) and later, her defining role as 'Shirley Valentine'. Ably supported by April Wilding, and stalwarts like Martin Jarvis, it's actually a pretty enjoyable film. 

"Motorhead's new look and sound was driving the chicks crazy…"

It kicks off with (and ends with) a really grating song entitled 'The Windmill Girls', sung by Valerie Mitchell. "The Windmill girls, they were so gay, but now it's over, they've gone away. Gone is the laughter, so warm and so bright, we never close, come and see us tonight..."

From that melancholic scene setter, the film opens with the end of the film - or rather, the end of the story because the actual end of the film differs from the flash-forward start point, almost as though the Director had forgotten about the original idea. In short - we see Pat Lord (Collins) die in a car crash, driven by a drunken reveller and goaded on by Pat. It's an ugly start, intended us to take note. In common with Russ Meyer films, this film is full of moralistic goodness, despite the clear hypocrisy. 

"The low budget pilot episode of 'Britain's Got Talent' was something of a disappointment…"

When the police start investigating the accident, they start with fellow dancer and close friend Linda (April Wilding) who then recounts their lives together and the events that clearly culminated in Pat's untimely death. They both worked in a shoe-shop (again?! We had that in the first movie) until they decide to leave for the bright lights. Even with little experience, sheer chutzpah wins the day and they are both successful in their auditions for the famous little theatre. 

"I remember the launch of Sleazy-Jet as if it was yesterday…"

It's a rise and fall story of two girls who are lured to the bright lights of London and who take up work at the legendary 'Windmill Theatre' doing 'semi-respectable' but titillating dances for their mainly male audiences. This is all fine for a while but the winds of change (with strip clubs opening all over the area that have no pretence of art and their 'show all' policy) means that the business will have to close down. Pat hooks up with an old time Producer who keeps promising her main parts in productions but before long she is reduced to working the strip clubs and photo shoots to make ends meet. 

"Don't look now Pat but I think that might be the Director of 'Shirley Valentine' over there…"

On the journey, we get to see plenty of 'Windmill action' including dancers, magicians, and comedians (Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe and Dick Emery all trod the boards there early in their careers) and the end, when it comes, is a sordid and sad affair. 

"That's the third shop in a row that didn't have a G-string in my size…"

There is precious little titillation, but some great moments of pure period action and there are exterior scenes in sixties Soho that give a wonderful window to that particular time.

The transfer is a little scratchy and worn, though is fine for a film of this vintage and will probably look no worse than when you saw it first time round - if you ever did.

All in all, a really fun evening's viewing on one DVD. Recommended for anyone with an unhealthy interest in such things.

 "It was a lot of cling film but it was one hell of a sandwich…"