Review for Master of Martial Hearts

Introduction

I knew nothing much about Master of Martial Hearts before the check disc arrived for review, although I had heard the name before. Wandering through the Internet, looking up titbits of anime information that I could file away for later use, I learned that when this show was licensed for the US market, Funimation announced it with some fanfare, but fan response was less than enthusiastic. In fact, it was probably the most deflating sound heard on a web forum in quite a while. Then when Manga Entertainment announced that they had the show for the UK market, there was a similar sense of disappointment registered among UK fans. There's usually a variety of opinion regarding a show, and even the most loved show has its detractors, while the reverse is also true. But not a single positive voice spoke up for Master of Martial Hearts. Again I put it out of mind until the time came to review it, and I then did some more than cursory research about the show. It's a combat tournament anime, which is common enough to be considered ubiquitous. Attractive girls fight for a prize, which again barely lifts the show out of the background. Then I learned that it shares a director with Ikki Tousen: Xtreme Xecutor. I remember Ikki Tousen, although by God I have tried to forget it! My heart sank so fast that it left a whirlpool spinning between my lungs.


You wouldn't think that simply walking home from school with your best friend would lead into a whole mess of trouble, but that is exactly what happens to Aya Iseshima when she and her friend Natsume stumble into the middle of a battle between two young women. A shrine maiden named Miko is being resoundingly pummelled by an air-stewardess with a bad attitude. Aya knows how to take care of herself, her mother was a professional fighter, and Aya steps in to protect the shrine maiden. That's a big mistake, as she's just interfered with a battle for the Platonic Heart. It's a legendary jewel that will grant the victor one wish, and it turns out that only a woman can use its powers. It's why there is a tournament in progress to decide that woman, and by saving Miko, Aya has just been entered into it. It doesn't matter much for Miko, as her simple wish was to make some friends, and even though she was on the verge of losing, by saving her, Aya and Natsume soon warm to her, and her wish is granted anyway. But the battle for the Platonic Heart doesn't work that way. Only the winner of the tournament gets the prize, all the losers just vanish. When the next day, Miko disappears, her apartment trashed, and the police turning a blind eye, Aya realises what her wish is. She'll have to fight in this tournament to win, if she is ever to see her new friend again.


All five OVA episodes of Master of Martial Hearts are presented on this disc from Manga Entertainment.

1. Destiny Sprints Into Motion
2. A Reason to Fight
3. Three Sisters, Sworn Enemies
4. Silently, Like Secrets
5. Flames

Picture

Master of Martial Hearts gets a 1.78:1 anamorphic transfer, which is about the only positive that can be applied to the image. It's an NTSC-PAL conversion, which means plenty of blended frames when there actually is any animation. But it's not all that animated a show. It's more an old-fashioned anime, with a low enough budget that they have to cheat to make it look more energetic than it actually is. There's a lot of panning and scrolling across static frames, plenty of double, triple and even quadruple pans when it comes to checking out a vision of anime loveliness, and the fight sequences are about as dynamic and visually exciting as a lump of plasticine. It's also low on resolution, looks terrible scaled up, the backgrounds lack detail, and the character designs are simplistic and inconsistent. All of this is covered up with a haze filter applied to the anime, and a brightness setting that futilely attempts to make it look like a higher budget production. The final nail in the coffin is that putting three hours of video onto one disc means plenty of compression artefacts.


None of all this matters, as the hope of the producers is that your gaze will be drawn to the lingering panty shots, the bountiful boob shots, the lascivious butt shots, and the lecherous crotch shots. Of course this anime is so low budget, that the end effect is more one of disappointment rather than excitement.

Sound

You have the choice between DD 2.0 Stereo Japanese and DD 5.1 Surround English, with optional translated subtitles and signs. The audio does the job adequately, although neither language option will set the world alight in terms of actor performances or dynamic audio. Despite the added bit rate of a surround track, I really couldn't tell the difference between the English and Japanese audio. I tried the dub, and the actors had put in just as much effort as the show deserves.

Extras

Have you got one of those DVD players that display jacket pictures when the disc isn't spinning? Do you live in a household where not everyone approves of your hobby, where you have to be quick on the remote, lest the wrong person walks into the room? Then whatever you do, do not stop this disc. Master of Martial Hearts gets an eye-opening jacket picture to say the least, five anime girls, topless, with skimpy panties, in fighting poses. Try explaining that one to the missus.


The sole bonus feature on this disc is the Video Commentary with the Japanese voice cast. This lasts 30 minutes and replays episode 1 in a tiny box in the corner of the screen, while Kaori Nazuka (Aya Iseshima), Satomi Akenaka (Natsume Honma), and Ai Nonaka (Miko Kazuki), have a good gossip and giggle about stuff that vaguely pertains to the show, while occasionally noticing that it's playing on the screen in front of them. I found this featurette to be quite refreshing. It's nice to know what the set up for audio commentaries actually is, what the booth looks like, and it also helps that you don't actually have to watch the episode again.

Conclusion

You know you're in trouble with a show when the PR blurb starts overdosing on alliteration. We're talking 'battling babes', 'pugilistic peep show', 'raiment ripping mayhem', 'pulverising peep show', 'clandestine competition', 'fabric-shedding fights', 'titillating teachers', 'sultry stewardesses', 'mesmerising maidens', and to cap it all off, 'brutally bruised buxom battle-broads'. I bet all that keeps Mr Roget rolling in his thesauruses. The less fulfilling a show actually is, the harder they have to sell it, and I haven't seen any show sold as hard as Master of Martial Hearts. You can imagine how bad this one is. You'd be wrong. It's worse!


Master of Martial Hearts is a pile of rubbish. It makes Ikki Tousen look like a work of genius in comparison. Its sole reason to exist and entertain is to show girls in various states of undress. It tries to cater for all fetishes by having schoolgirls fighting nurses fighting teachers fighting mechanics, policewomen, air stewardesses, shrine maidens, pop idols and so on. The one constant is that breasts will be bared at some point, and violence, poorly animated violence will be the means of disrobement. This is the weird reality where punches and kicks cause female clothing to disintegrate. This may be of some titillation value if the animation was up to snuff. Alas the budget is lacking, the show is poorly and sparsely animated, and the character designs are simplistic, unattractive and inconsistent. And yes, boobs will bounce for no reason whatsoever.


The story, for what it's worth, is that Aya Iseshima finds herself entered into a combat tournament that she had no intention of entering, but with one of her friends missing, it becomes imperative that she stays in the tournament to rescue her, and all the while try and find out just who and what is behind it all. There's a point in the final episode where it actually begins to get interesting, where there is a revelation and unexpected turnaround. But then there is another revelation, and another revelation. Plot twist is heaped upon plot twist in short succession over a ten-minute stretch, and any interest that may have threatened to develop disappears in a haze of utter derision. Even the worst sort of soap opera writer would roll his eyes at this script!


Master of Martial Hearts is dire. But its one saving grace is that it is laughably so. The mood does occasionally strike to watch something so ludicrous that it elicits snorts of contempt. The triple pans, the fairy dust sound effects, the bouncing breasts, the disintegrating clothes, the lecherous camera angles are all so puerile that somewhere deep down there is a twelve year old boy sniggering at the naughtiness. But not for one minute am I suggesting that you do something so pointless as actually spending money on this.