Amsterdamned

Are you old enough to remember VHS trailer reels? Try to evoke the memory of that rough and deliberate voiceover:-

"The canals, they are a passageway into the heart of this international city. Dark and protective, they offer sanctuary to the terror that stalks from their depths. He will surface, kill and vanish without a trace. For the canals now run with blood! They got to find him, catch him or kill him because time is running out. This city is murder…"

This kitschy voiceover was used on the American trailer for Amsterdamned, a 1986 Dutch horror film directed by Dick Maas. You can't help but to take note of its Eurotrash vibe.

Thanks to the new-fangled distribution label Cine-Excess, this 80s classic is now available for the first time on DVD.

When a disfigured female carcass is found hanging from a bridge in the heart of Amsterdam, the police fear the worst. Further murders verify their suspicions - a serial killer is using the canal system to snake across the city, dragging innocent victims to their boggy tombs. It's a perfect playground for a killer that could strike at any moment. With mass hysteria gripping the people of Amsterdam, the mayor demands swift action. The police respond by assigning their most experienced man, detective Eric Visser. Can he discover the killer before it's too late?


Amsterdamned is a prime example of 1980s horror that garnered cult success on VHS. It has everything you need from an archetypical serial killer movie; graphic murders, funky synthesiser music, an eerie atmosphere, a decent story, cheesy dialogue and an alcoholic detective. The thing that differentiates this from the miasma of other stalk and slash horror films is the execution of the story; the killer wears a black wetsuit and uses a canal system to stalk his victims. Now that's a creative way to inject nuance into a tried and tested formula. It also verges on the edge of sadomasochism. Once the killer's insanity radar acquires a helpless target, he ascends from the watery depth like The Creature from the Black Lagoon. In his bodysuit and flippers, he uses his harpoon (cough) to render his female victims harmless. That sounds like B-movie magic to me.


However dodgy the subtext, Amsterdamned has an outlandish visual language that verges on the edge of slapstick. This is a deliberate technique by Dick Maas. The director is having oodles of fun making the audience cringle and laugh in the same heartbeat. Not an easy feat with horror. The scene that typifies this amalgamation of horror and comedy is at the start of the movie. As the serial killer rises from the watery depths in the dead of night, he shuffles across the cobbled streets towards his first female victim. The unsteady camera moves towards her with sinister intimacy. As we hear her archetypical scream of death, the camera cuts to a shot of a homeless woman viewing the murderer from a safe distance. The big black blob hacks at his victim with cold detachment. The audience take pleasure in this mayhem as the killer drags her carcass across the cobbled streets and back into the murky waters.


This may not sound humorous to you; nevertheless, after the funky sequence with the aerial shot of Amsterdam, a group of Boy Scouts, Nuns and tourists are taking a guided tour of the city on a canal boat. They are lost in their own little worlds. Looking back to the passengers the captain smiles with delight. As he turns around the female victim is dangling from the bridge. Before he has time to react, the carcass smashes into the front of the boat and smears blood all over the window. When the captain turns the engine off the flow of water pushes the boat forward. The lifeless body slithers across the roof leaving a smear of blood across the glass. The passengers scream in horror. The body falls into the open hatch and swings back and forth. This is Grand Guingnol at it best. Just like the passengers, the audience are thrust into an abyss of repulsion but we can't help but snigger at the absurdity of it all. It's a fantastic way to start a horror movie, deadly intent sprinkled with unnerving humour.


Its refreshes the senses watching a horror movie that makes fun of itself. With the influx of 'serious' modern horror (think of Wolf Creek, Wrong Turn, Cabin Fever and even The Dark Knight with the character of The Joker) we are loosing out on the precise mix of ingredients; magic, repugnance and the humour in horror. Like an alchemist who mixes his potion to achieve the Holy Grail, this strange mix of ingredients gives cinema that extra special vibe. When you look at a film like Dawn of the Dead you can't help but to welcome the humour induced visuals. Horror works best when intertwined with comedy. It adds a curious nuance (think of Jack Nicolson's portrayal of The Joker). This is why Amsterdamned is a classic of it's genre. It's everything you want from a horror film. It's gaudy, eccentric, playful, suspenseful, ghastly and last but not least humorous as hell.


Disc: The wonderful things about this DVD are the two distinct audio tracks (English and Dutch) as each track adds a different flavour to the film. If you want to understand the nuance and vigour of the story its best to listen to the original Dutch version first (which contains yellow subtitles). However, if you want to hark back to, and evoke those wonderful VHS memories the English dubbed version is the one to go for. There are various changes in tone between the two tracks, its fun to re-watch certain sequences to discover the adjustments. For example, when Visser's daughter answers the phone in the Dutch version the subtitles read, 'He's been playing with himself in the bath for the past half hour'. However, the dubbed version is more visceral, descriptive and displays the elegance of broken English, 'He's in the john; I expect that he is masturbating'. If you're a film geek, combine the two versions second time around and watch the English dubbed version with the English subtitles. It allows you to appreciate all the delicate variance of language.


Looking at the special features for this single disk release there are two wacky trailers. The first, a 2min 34sec delight, explores the facets of the film; humour, gore, tension, subtext and scenes from the superb speedboat chase. The second, clocking in at 1min 31 sec is an all out action fright-fest with gunshots, explosions, a screaming cat and a classic 1980s voice-over (see above). We also get a funky 'slide-show' with production stills laced with a Japanese press-pack. The next feature is an excellent 9min featurette that explores the intention of the Cine-Excess label. By releasing such cult films as Suspiria, Viva, The House with Laughing Windows, Amsterdamned, The Big Bird Cage, Big Bad Mama and Grand Theft Auto they are creating an essential cult cinema niche. In his talk-to-camera interview, Xavier Mendik (the founder of Cine-Excess) displays an uncanny passion for avant-garde cinema. Let's hope his mantra; 'take trash seriously' brings undiluted pleasure to our tasteless offbeat craniums.


Saving the best feature until last, we move onto an insightful 35-min behind-the-scenes 'old school' documentary. The director, Dick Maas discusses the roots of his idea, his influences and the difficulties involved with filming. The majority of the documentary focuses on the infamous speedboat chase. However, we do get plenty of information about stunts and special effects. There is one guy that stands out as being vital to the production, the stunt co-ordinator Dickey Beer, who is considered one of the greatest stuntmen in the game. Over the years, he has worked on an impressive directory of films including Return of the Jedi, Rambo III, Total Recall, Starship Troopers, Terminator 3, Hancock and Pineapple Express. Without sounding overdramatic, this is one of the best 'making-of' documentaries out there. It's straightforward, informative and offers an insight into the complications of filmmaking. An audio commentary would have elevated this disk to something extraordinary. Let's hope Cine-Excess keep up the good work by releasing classic shlocky titles like Amsterdamned…

"Be glad you're afraid…It means you're still alive"


Verdict: Not the crowning achievement in Eurotrash horror. However, Amsterdamned is a consistent crossbreed movie that contains enough thrills and spills to keep you entertained. The speedboat chase is better than anything James Bond has done, the synthesised music is on par with John Carpenter, the character psychology adds to the tension and the action sequences are energetic. Even though Amsterdamned tries to evoke the mood of Jaws and a cannon of other American movies, it's still a cult classic. Don't mind myself a bit of Dutch now and again.