Commando - Definitive Edition

Introduction

I once owned Commando on Region 2 DVD… for about 90 minutes. It turns out that the Region 2 has sourced a German television version for its master, rather than the theatrical version. It was heavily edited. It was a little more than just, opening credits, "I'll be back", end credits, but not by much. It was straight back to the shop for me, after which I remained committed to my VHS copy in lieu of a proper PAL release. That didn't happen until 2007, with the Region 1 and Region 4 releases of the Definitive Edition. With a film like Commando it didn't seem farfetched to expect a Region 2 release to quickly follow, but my patience stretches only so far. A year later, I caved and imported the Australian disc. I suppose Sod's Law will mean that a UK release will be announced today.

Actually, what's surprising is that it hasn't been released already, after all a quick look at the BBFC website shows that last June, Commando was reappraised and all previous cuts were waived for both of the versions on this Definitive Edition. Add to that that the disc is prefaced by that horrendous FACT anti-piracy ad that plays to UK audiences, as well as the UK website address for the same, the copyright warnings at the end of the picture apply to both Australia and the EU, and the final kicker being that despite the specs on the case, the discs are coded for Region 2 playback, makes me ask just why Fox is sitting on its release for so long?


72… 73… 74… 75 Mexicans

John Matrix is a retired Special Forces operative who is living the idyllic life with his daughter Jenny up in the mountains somewhere. Only someone has been killing off members of his former team. When his commander General Kirby pays a visit to warn him of the danger, it actually leads the bad guys to his door. Despite all the bullets flying, they need Matrix alive. With Jenny in the hands of Val Verde's deposed President Arias and his henchmen (including Matrix' former comrade in arms Bennett), Matrix has no choice but to obey their demands to head to Val Verde and assassinate the current president Velasquez. That's what they think! Matrix is soon free, and he wants his daughter back. And he'll go through every one of Arias's men to get her. But he's only got eleven hours, and the questionable help of Cindy, an air hostess who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And so the body count begins…

This Definitive Edition holds two versions of the film. Disc 1 has the Theatrical Cut with DD 2.0 stereo, while Disc 2 has the Director's Cut with DD 5.1 Surround Sound.


He's not a Brit playing a Muslim! This must be the eighties

Picture

Well, it's an eighties movie, which means that you should expect grain in the 1.85:1 anamorphic transfer, a smidgen of dirt, and the occasional softness. It's pretty much par for the course with regards to films from this era, and the disc gives the film the best possible treatment except for… Edge Enhancement. Those dreaded words. It was blindingly obvious on the 28" screen I watched it on; I'd hate to think how it would look on anything larger.


Ahh… Isn't Chenny cute?

Sound

In Region 1 everything is kept on one disc through the magic of seamless branching, you can watch the theatrical cut with 5.1 sound, the DC with stereo, or vice versa. Not on the Australian release that keeps everything segregated. It doesn't make much difference though, as while the 5.1 does its best at throwing the effects around the soundstage, putting you in the middle of the constant action, you can't get past how creaky the sound is. Almost as prominent as the bullets and the explosions are the hiss and rumble, especially in the quieter moments of the film. It certainly could have used some more work.

Extras

You get 2 discs in an Amaray case, with a couple of pages of sleeve notes printed on the inside cover. The whole thing is wrapped inside a cardboard slipcase. The majority of the extras are on disc 2

There are three deleted scenes totalling 3 minutes in length, most entertaining of which is the alternate wisecrack reel for Bennett's demise. "Couldn't take the pressure Bennett!"

Pure Action lasts 15 minutes and is a retrospective documentary with the cast and the crew. Arnold's too busy governating, so he appears courtesy of some eighties behind the scene footage. Commando was going to be a completely different movie, before they tailored it to fit Arnold.

Let Off Some Steam lasts 7 minutes and is a more fun look at the film, focusing on the wisecracks and the refusal to take anything seriously.


All we hear is Radio Gaga…

There are 7 minutes of slideshow galleries, looking at Creating Commando, Domestic Bliss with John and Jenny, Kill, Arnold, Kill! and Trashing The Galleria.

The most substantial piece is the commentary with director Mark Lester. It's a nice, interesting, retrospective look at the film, and although it is gappy to begin with, he becomes more voluble as time passes. It's interesting to hear that even he had fallen into the myth of Arnold at the time, and he actually expected him to be able to dangle David Patrick Kelly over the edge of a cliff, single-handedly.

The same commentary is repeated on Disc 1, although it is 95 seconds less gappy.

All the extras, including the commentary are subtitled in English.

Conclusion

I grew up with Commando, it's a film that for me can do no wrong, and it gets an instant pass. No matter how cheesy it is, how bad it gets, how corny the dialogue, how ill-judged the performances, I find something new to appreciate each time. Last night I was counting how many times the same extra met his demise, albeit beneath a slightly different fake moustache. It's brilliant! For that is what Commando is, the quintessential action flick, distilled down the purest of ingredients, packaged in the ideal runtime. It's one colossal wink to the audience, as if to say, 'we know you're enjoying this, but I bet we enjoyed making it even more'. It's 90 minutes of popcorn munching fun, no lip service paid to political correctness, no pointless sentimentality, but plenty of inventive deaths, great stunts and action, one-liners that you end up memorising like lyrics, the screen slaughter of a random ethnic minority, and a random sidekick to voice our incredulity.


Ouch…

All that was cut from the previous releases is back in. So all the gratuitous violence, the impalements, the breaking of necks, heads being sliced open, and axes in groins that you could ever want. Originally, the BBFC had insisted on 12 seconds of cuts for the theatrical release. We in the UK never got to see Matrix slice off the arm of Johnny Foreigner, but that has been waived by the BBFC now, and is in this definite release from Australia as well. If it ever comes to the UK, it should be just the same. With only 90 seconds of additional footage, there isn't much to add, and only two scenes spring to mind, both of additional dialogue between Matrix and Cindy. The first when they leave the airport sees Matrix explain more about who he is, which explains why Cindy was a little more trusting of him later on. The second offers a chance for Arnie to emote as he tells Cindy more about Chenny (That's actually how it's spelt), and her long deceased mother. This scene is veering a little too close to sentimentality at this point, but fortunately it's only a matter of seconds before we get back to the killing.


Do you think he'll be back, I think he'll be back

It's a computer game of a movie. Bad guys kidnap Chenny, big mistake, cos now they've p***ed off Arnold. Arnold works his way through the mid level bosses, the sleepy Henriques, the wimpy Sully, and the bad ass Cooke, before getting to the final island level, where all the power ups and weapons he's been collecting so far gets put to use. That firepower comes in handy as he takes on and wipes out most of the Mexican army, or random extras with really bad facial hair, (the sub game here is to see how long you can you can make a corpse dance before it hits the ground, keeping it twitching with a hail of automatic weapons fire) before you face the end of level bosses, overacting dictator and Camp Freddie you all know.

How can a movie so bad, be so good? I haven't the slightest idea. All I know is that when I need a boost, Commando is the first film I turn to. And someone get Fox to get up off their arses and release this DE in the UK already!